HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

No spoilers, but I will say to everyone else who is betting on this PPV, that you just want to keep drinking that Superman Punch.  Everyone here has a healthy glow from sugar and 15 kinds of booze.

Good thing the meal was hearty enough to ward off some of the effects of the booze.


Short of typing out what I made, I'll give you the think to the recipe I used.  The only change we made was using pine nuts instead of pumpkin seeds for the cilantro.  Otherwise, for California and Wrestlemania, it was the perfect dish.

Carnal Asada Burritos  (see what I did there?)

Full disclosure, I fell asleep during the Cena match.  Right after I was feeling bad for Cena.  Oops?

We made the pesto first, then the salsa, and right when the PPV started grilled up the beef.

Dan also bought a box of Rice a Roni because it just seemed fitting.




For desert I found a GREAT recipe for a famous Bay Area ice cream sandwich called It's It.  But judging from what they did to people's stomachs after eating two, you might call them an F5,  We added crumbled Heath bar... to every part of it.  And use coffee ice cream.  Hint: make the cookies as flat as you can or you'll have a mouthful. And for the chocolate topping, we used Ghiradeli (made in San Francisco).

Now digest your meal or you're gonna feel like you're in Suplex City, bitch.

Wrestlemania Spin-a-Roni PreShow

It's been nonstop WWE Network in the house all week.  We definitely got our $9.99 worth this month! Dan has been working pretty hard at watching all of the all time greatest WWE matches; I've been passing out about 1am every night. It seems that there are so many opinions over greatest WWE Wrestlemania match ever; but in this house it is Michaels v. Taker WM 25.

So in the midst of me being put to task of making a fancy Excel spreadsheet with our predictions (loser buys dinner) (WARNING: it is FULL of typos), watching nonstop matches, going to a WWE Trivia Night at the local bar (and all things considering, coming in a respectable 5th place considering it was SUPER hard and Dan was pretty much on his own) and me trying to organize the house, we STILL came up with a menu worthy of such a high date.

I will take this moment to point out that we spent more on this menu than we did on Thanksgiving, and we had a 22lb turkey. 

The inspiration was not only Wrestlemania, but also San Francisco.  Now, when I think of San Francisco food, I think of fresh ingredients and burritos!  So cut to us at the grocery store buying EVERYTHING to put together this feast.

PRESHOW

No Pre Show is complete without a MOUNTAIN DEW KICKSTART (I got the bonus points for finding these in the store!).  

We have been prepping food all day, and Dan's friend is coming by a little late.  But since we've been on basically a fast waiting for this meal (the vegan salad was homage perhaps to Bryan) we needed some pre-food for the pre-show.

SUPERMAN ISLAND PUNCH
Inspired in part by Reigns and in part by the Usos, we have developed something that is going to feel TERRIBLE tomorrow.

- three parts vodka

- two parts rum

- one part curaco 

- two parts bluebrery vodka

- six parts pineapple juice

- splash of vanilla

- frozen blueberries and pineapple

MIX ALL and stir over ice, Keep drinking through entire night.

Mr. Perfect GUACAMOLE

I'm sort of known for my guacamole.  I don't like to brag, but it's so perfect, Kurt Henning would cry if he had a bite of it. So in honor of the heat for the IC title, I will share my secrets.

- two ripe avocados, mashed

- juice from one lime

- one diced japelno

- one diced garlic clove

- 1/4 cup of cilantro 

- 1/4 chopped red onion

- 2 diced tomatoes on vine

- hot sauce, salt, and pepper to taste

I'm Afraid We've Got Some Bad News....

Fast Lane is in MEMPHIS!  So I guess we're gonna have to cook up a whole mess of some southern, buttered up, sticky sweet carbs and meat!

Being the last PPV before Wrestlemania, the menu has to reflect the same level of crucial buildup to the biggest event of the year.  So we're whipping up The Burger King of Memphis in honor of Memphis native, Jerry Lawler.  But
take it easy with these, because if you have more than one, you might find yourself hunched over mid-event yourself.

This is the first Fast Lane main event, replacing the former Elimination Chamber.  Matches here are going to decide the events at the more important Wrestlemania, so we'll give it a little more credit than it deserves.

So here is your Fast Lane lineup after the break.

Royal Rumble Results as Described by the Cat

SPOILER BREAK

Royal Rumble!

Ah, the Royal Rumble.  One of the most cherished of all of the Pay Per Views.  Last year, before the WWE Network was out, we were in Manhattan for a friend's going away party.  Afterwards, we decided to go look for a bar to watch the Rumble at.  Seemed easy enough- what bar WOULDN'T want to show this? Turns out, it was harder than we thought.  We ran to a bar that said they were airing it, only to crawl into a PACKED, tiny space with a few old tube TVs.  We couldn't move, get a drink, or see the screens.

Fuck that! So I look up on my phone and see where there was another bar showing it, we take a cab, as we are not racing the clock and the main event was starting soon.  We get there, only to be told that they were NOT airing it.  UGH! Third time is a charm, back in a cab, we try lucky bar #3.  It was a much larger space, tons of HUGE TVs- but they were at maximum capacity.  So I tell them I'm with Amanda's birthday party- worth a shot? Success! (Hint for people visiting NYC: nothing is ever sold out, and you can always squeeze a few more people in the door if you know how to milk it).

We watch the show in a bar full of screaming, drunk, fans.  AND we got a beer. But this year, with the event being in Philly, we couldn't resist making some delicious cheesesteaks!

Now, full disclosure: there is a bar in NYC that has AMAZING cheese steak.  And another cheese steak place by the house that we want to try. But after staying out too late and drinking cheap beer and whiskey until I was sure I had done permanent liver damage, we are going to take it easy today.

While we were mid-way thru liver failure last night and talking about our first blog meal, I said "HA, City of Brotherly Love... DUDE LOVE?! We should have a groovy theme!" I mean, if there ever was a WWE Superstar who liked to eat, it was Mick Foley!


But Dan, in his infinite wisdom, said "Uh, if you are going THAT route, you clearly pick Brother Love!  Undertaker's first manager!"

And this is where Dan is the expert.  Go ahead and challenge him on some WWE Trivia.  You will lose.

So, let's talk a little bit about the "fine cuisine of Philly."  There really isn't.  I looked up some things to make with the obvious cheese steak, but it was like "Utz chips and funnel cake." So the solution was... buy more beef?  Clearly.  And some cream cheese.  Because Philly.

So here we go, a Little hungover, and a lot hungry, let's get ready for some Royal Rumble action and fill our bellies!

Unlike previous PPVs, I did not do a whole she-bang of appetizer, entree, side, and dessert.  Kept it a little simpler, but here ya go:

The Eliminator Cheese Steak Sandwich

Ingredients:

• A bunch o' steak, thin fillets if you can
• Some hoagie rolls
• Poblano peppers
• Onions
• Butter
• Salt and Pepper
• shredded provolone cheese (a regular sized bag)
• 2 cups milk
• 1 tbsp flour
• Olive oil

This sandwich is no fucking joke.  It is going to sit in your stomach like you swallowed a boot for the rest  of the night, but it's worth it.  Now, I've never made one of these before, and given the aforementioned shitty grocery store options by us, I had to make due with a less than preferable beef selection.  I got a decent skirt steak fillet, some "stir fry beef" and top broil.  I froze them and shaved them as thin as I could without chopping off a finger, then seasoned just with salt and better.

Meanwhile, slice up peppers and onions.  Saute the onions in butter, the peppers in olive oil. Salt and pepper, salt and pepper.

In a pot, melt a tbsp of butter with a tbsp of flour.  Add 2 cups of milk, let it boil and whisk it for a while.  I thought this was not going to work out- but after it got a good boil going, it did thicken up.  Turn off the heat, add the cheese and SALT AND PEPPER and let rest.

Fry up the beef with some olive oil.

Now build your sandwich!  Bun --> meat --> onions --> peppers --> cheese.  EAT SLEEP CONQUER REPEAT.

What you need

Cheese Sauce!

Pound your meat like it's Rollin's face 

Career Killer Cream Cheese Cookie Bars

• 2 1/4 cups flour
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp vanilla
• bag of chocolate chips
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 8 oz cream cheese
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla

Mix the first 9 ingredients together.  Press into a square or rectangular pan flat.  Bake at 375 for 16 minutes.  Let cook thoroughly.  Meanwhile, mix cream cheese, powdered sugar, and 1st vanilla together.  Carefully, cut the pan into squares.  Cut each square in half.  Fill with cream cheese, but top back on. 

Obligatory Introductions

Do not eat Chef Boyardee on the Subway

Mankind thinks that you want to eat Chef Boyardee.  But we want you to eat good food.  And who the hell are we?  We are not chefs.  Just a couple who likes to cook and watch wrestling.

We live in New York City, so cooking at home is:
a) Difficult, our kitchen is basically the size of a small hallway.  It only had 2 slivers of counter space before we bought a larger island.  Plus, getting groceries can be a mission, and our neighborhood doesn't have the best options for food.
b) Cheap!  There are thousands of bars and restaurants, and naturally, we want to eat at ALL of them.  BUT that will so quickly take ALL OF YOUR MONEY!  And we like to cook, so planning monthly Sunday PPV dinners gives extra incentive!

Her

Him

It started two years ago, during Wrestlemania XXX in New Orleans.  While I would have loved to have been there live, eating my weight in po'boys and watching the show, the next best thing I could do was cook up a cajun feast during the show.  And it was such a success, that we started doing it every month.

It was around December, while I was basting up slabs of ribs for Survivor Series in St. Louis, that I thought we should be sharing this with the world! So here we are.  Check out out the blog and follow us on social media. If there is one thing we can all agree about wrestling fans: we like to eat!